


Go to Bed

by BuddyTheMeanPeacock



Series: Drabbles and Oneshots (DimiClaude) [22]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Blood, Established Relationship, M/M, Panic Attacks, Strangulation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:35:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26063551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuddyTheMeanPeacock/pseuds/BuddyTheMeanPeacock
Summary: Claude can handle it by himself. Until he can't.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Claude von Riegan
Series: Drabbles and Oneshots (DimiClaude) [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1561504
Comments: 12
Kudos: 111





	Go to Bed

Claude looked up at the ceiling. By his side is Dimitri, sleeping soundly, the sleeping tonic having taken effect some time ago.

Claude swallowed. He was glad his… his partner… could find some rest, happy that he seemed to take the potion crafted for him well. Not thrashing in some hellish nightmare, as he’d tell Claude was the norm.

Claude breathed in.  
Breathed out.

No… no, instead Dimitri was relaxed, a rare sight even for a conscious king of the north. A light - Claude blinked - a light snore came from his slightly parted lips, head heavy as lead on his pillow, his arm- his arm sprawled across Claude’s chest.

_Not safe here._

Claude shook the thought away. He… may not be exactly _comfortable_ sleeping here, sure. He’d long abandoned the bed as a resting spot in favor - _breathe in... breathe out..._ \- in favor of the much nicer one that was sleeping against his wyvern. But Dimitri didn’t want to wake alone. It was something he confided in Claude; it stressed him out. Knowing someone will be there when he wakes up is… is good for him. And Claude can do that.

He _will_ do it.

He’ll get used to sleeping in a bed again. Eventually. He’ll keep at it until he is. 

He just won’t sleep tonight. Too much on his mind. 

He slid out from under Dimitri’s arm and off the bed and

Ah

He feels better.

There was still a… buzzing, in his chest. It was almost familiar, now that his mind's clear enough to think about it. It’s been a _long_ while since he’s felt this way, but this… this wasn’t _nearly_ what that was. This was manageable. 

Claude sighed. He wasn’t sleeping tonight - or at least not a full night’s rest, in any case. _Little_ too electrified for that. Instead he went to his desk and pulled out some paper, a quill, some books. Put his mind to thinking about all the things he needs to remember for after the war; nobles, both of Fodlan and Almyra, their political stances, their proximity to their respective royalty’s territories, how their houses stand in terms of power.

It helped.   
Yes. It helped.  
For tonight. It helped.

When Dimitri wakes up Claude will be awake to greet him. And it’ll all be okay.

\---

He knows it’s not exactly _normal_ to not like sleeping on a bed. He can admit that - to himself, at least. Maybe not so much to others. They’d start asking questions, probably, and frankly whatever they’d ask isn’t something Claude would wanna answer. 

So he keeps it to himself. Even after Dimitri asks to sleep with him on his larger bed. Even after that first night, heart and mind racing.

It was… inconvenient. But nothing Claude couldn’t handle.

\---

He should sleep. He knows that because yeah, it’s obvious that he should. It’s _been_ obvious he should for some nights now. But he won’t. He knows he won’t! He _hasn’t!_ So what’s the point of staying in a bed if he’s just going to lay there and do nothing? Toss and turn all he wants the only thing he succeeds in doing is making himself worry he’ll wake Dimitri, even through the tonic. 

So, no. He’s not going to bed. 

_Not safe here._

But he can’t leave the room either; Dimitri is frankly prime pickings for someone wanting to get rid of a king they don’t like. Since Claude's not going to sleep anyway he might as well keep watch. Keep his hearing sharp for the tell-tale warping of the wood, or creak of a door or window. 

Back and forth back and forth. He’s paced the room who knows how many times now and he still feels off. Can’t get this feeling out of his chest. No, wait, not _can’t_. Just think Claude, _think_. You’ve felt like this before when you were younger, plenty of times. Think, think, what worked before? Leaving the room- but no, he can’t do that. Dimitri could be in danger. What else, what else- being with Sarbi- but, no, no, he can’t do that either. What can he do what can he do- this is- it’s- 

_ah.  
_ _Breathe in._

 _Ah  
_ _Breathe out._

…

…

…

…

… 

...Really... how bad... _is_ this, really... thinking about it. A little energetic...? What’s... wrong with that? Nothing, honestly, he just... needs to wait this out. 

That’s an option.   
That can work. 

No, it _will_ work. He’ll _make_ it work. 

He sat down. Let his hands drift across the carpeted floor. Breathe. Focus. 

Nothing’s there. He’s just freaking out.

He breathed in…  
...then out  
…...until it passed.

It… was paradoxical. It… drained out slowly… and left him suddenly… at the same time. But it… didn’t matter. Not really. Claude could breathe. Think. And… sleep. Here. Just a bit.

\---

He explains himself readily enough, when Dimitri finds Claude on the floor. A surge of panic rushes through him at the sudden shaking, his body screaming to do something something _something_ \- and then he sees the blue eye of his partner, and he feels himself slowly relax.

He was fine. Safe. Nothing to worry about.

And they go about their day, even if Claude’s legs are a little shakier than normal, a tightness coiling his muscles that refused to go away.

\---

He decides he’s had enough, that night.

Dimitri was by his side, silent in his sleep. Claude lay on his back, not wanting his back to face his partner but _he will not show it to the door_. He breathes in. Out. Ignores his restless mind going _don’t don’t don’t_ over and over. He cl- blinks. Takes another breath in, then out. 

He closes his eyes.

Takes a breath in.  
Then out.  
In.  
Out-  
His throat closes.

He can’t breathe. _He can’t breathe._ His eyes fling open- he sees him- Arman. His eyes are on  
fire. Fingers squeezing- he can’t- can’t _breathe_. He’s clawing, hands sososo small. Tighter  
tighter- wheezing, choking, spit clogging his closed throat, he’s kicking can’t reach, t-oo small,  
Weak, smile all teeth face splitting, body heavy vision blurry _he’s dying nonono_ _dagger, dagger,_ _  
_ _flailing, grab, thrust_ **then Arman is gargling, he hears the air get stopped by the blade, feel** **  
** **the blood rain on him, tastes it fall in his mouth his hands were soaked the bed was soaked** **  
** **he was soaked in red, red, red, redrederederedered and he can’t**

Breathe.

He can’t breathe.

Khalid throws himself off the bed,   
away, get away, 

_Not safe here_ , 

he’s backing away from Arman, he can still hear him drowning in his throat, 

  
  


see movement, oh _gods_ he was, still, still alive

Khalid is going to die.

He can’t breathe air won’t come in he, he can’t- _he can’t_ -

“-de!”

 **_NO!_ ** No, no, _please don’t hurt me_ , he doesn’t- he doesn’t want to- please, _please-_

“C-”

Back to the wall. He can’t get away. _He can’t- breathe- he’s trapped- no no no no-_

_Knock knock_

…….what?

Kn-knocking… no one- they all walk in. What- who-?

“Claude…”

Claude. Claude? 

“Yes, my love… please, look at me.”

Love? Who would- who could-

He- looks up.

“Good, my love. What do you see?”

Pale- pale skin. O-One eye- blue. Blond hair.

A nod.

“Focus on me, Claude. Watch me breathe.”

But he _can’t,_ he _can’t breathe_ , he- he can’t- _he can’t_ -

“It’s alright, my love. You are safe here.”

S-safe? He was…

He was safe?

“That’s better, my love. You’re doing great.”

He… he was… he was doing… great? What…

“Just a little slower. Focus on me.”

He… watched him. D… Dimi… Dimitri… was breathing. And so… so was he. Claude.

Not Khalid.

He was breathing… he was breathing… 

In…  
Out…  
In…  
Out…

He was… safe.

In…  
Out…  
In…  
Out…

“...Are you feeling better, my love?”

...Yes… yes…

“...May I hold you?”

…

…

…Yes.

Slowly. Gently. Carefully. Arms around him. Covered in warmth.

 _Ba-bum  
_ _Ba-bum  
_ _Ba-bum_

He… he feels… safe. Safe. Here. 

He wants to stay here.

\---

He wakes up on the floor, Dimitri’s arms wrapped around him, and he’s horrified to learn it wasn’t a dream.

Ah… haha, that hasn’t happened in a while. He let himself slip into a fit. His memory is a little foggy, but he figured it wasn’t a small one this time. And _Dimitri_ saw it. Oh, he’s not going to let this go; he’s going to blow it out of proportion, work himself in a knot. Claude has to think of a way to mitigate-

“Are you awake, my love?”

 _Sigh_. Of course.

“Yeah.” His voice was scratchy. He swallowed. “Let’s get up from the floor; I’m sure your legs are as cramped as mine-”

“Claude.”

_Come on Dimitri._

_Just drop it._

He chuckled. “So mean Your Kingliness! Aren’t you gonna let me stretch-”

“Please,” came the whisper. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Claude sighed, again. “Dimitri, there’s nothing _wrong_. I just had a bad dream and I let it get to me, that’s all.”

Silence. 

Claude patted Dimitri’s back. “It’s not gonna happen again. I promise.”

He waited. Still nothing from Dimitri. Claude pulled his head where it’d rested on the firm chest to look into one eye. It was… worried. Definitely worried. But there was something else, something he couldn’t quite read-

“You begged me not to hurt you.”

...What?

“Ha, I’m not sure what you mean-”

“You cowered from me, choking on your own breath. You looked at me as though I would end your life in a moment.” Dimitri closed his eye. He swallowed. “You… _choked_ out your plea, curled into yourself as though I would strike you.”

...No. N-No, that couldn’t be right. Claude shook his head, his smile shaky, a nervous giggle on his breath. “Hey now, you know I know you wouldn’t hurt me, right?” He put his hand on Dimitri’s. “It was a bad night. Let’s just put it behind us, alright?”

At first, Dimitri said nothing. Only pulled Claude into an embrace.

He cradled Claude’s head in his hand, stuffing it into the crook of his shoulder - mirroring where he placed his own. He held him close, tight, their chests flush against the other, feeling their hearts beat against the other’s rhythm.

...Ah. Claude wasn’t… sure what to do. He never was, when Dimitri acted like this, held onto him like he was the most precious thing in the world. He was used to the space others gave him, and that he put down himself. Dimitri always crosses it so easily.

“I would never force you to reveal that which haunts you, my love,” he breathes out, quiet as a thought, just for Claude to hear, before he pulls him closer, somehow, “never before you are ready to do so. But know that I so dearly wish to help you. _Please_ , Claude. I will do _anything_ to give you peace at night.”

...Ah. Haha. So… so Dimitri _did_ notice his twitchy nights. Of course. He should’ve figured. And well… if he already knew that, then surely just telling him about his bad dream would be alright, right? He can just shave off some pesky details, focus on the important parts, specific enough to be understandable but nothing that would give away too much. Wouldn’t wanna chase Dimitri off, after all. Give him the peace of mind he needs, figure out some better sleeping habits, and it’ll all be fine.

He looked up-  
Amber eyes seeing nothing, silver shining past a sea of crimson, drowning tan and yellows and greens  
He blinked

and saw an empty bed. Waiting for someone to lie down on it.

_babumbabumbabumbabumbababum_

He turned his head back into Dimitri’s shoulder. Took a deep breath. Let it out.

“ _I want to leave_ ,” the words drift out of him.

Dimitri nods. “Where would you like to go? I will take you anywhere.”

“My wyvern. Take me to my wyvern.” 

No one hurts him when he sleeps near Sarbi. Too hard, to climb into the wyvern caves in the dead of night. Too dangerous, to disturb the creature wrapped around the little boy. The one good thing to come from that night, him learning that.

He’s lifted, like he weighs nothing. Sarbi is like that, when he rides him, soaring through the air like he’s just another scale on his back. He likes the weightlessness of it, like he’s untouchable, the air filling his lungs.

But he’s not in the air. He’s not untouchable. He’s here, with Dimitri, on the ground, breathing in his scent. He holds onto his lover tighter, and finds he feels safe just the same.

**Author's Note:**

> Dunno if I'll ever write where they actually talk about this and try to deal with it, but here's the beginning of that :p
> 
> I wanted to write this for the dimiclaudebirthdayweek2020 but missed day 5 ;( I'll just use the free day to make up for it, and for being too busy for the rest of the days <3


End file.
